A Fabulous Re-Read (and feel free to create your own)

http://thingstobehappyabout.com/

I keep a collection of books, soft and hard cover, children's, cookbooks, fiction and non-fiction.  How many do I actually pick up off the shelf and re-read?  Not many.  However, this one is one I can pick up anytime and see something new and think, "I haven't thought about that in a while, but yes, that makes me happy."  It forces me to slow down and truly appreciate the little things, the details, the small pleasures in life.

What makes you happy?  The question may seem too big, too vague and almost impossible to answer sometimes, especially when you are in a low point and can't quite see your way to happy.  Instead, notice the things as they happen or appear, that make you smile and hold on to those moments.

I don't want to run out and have fried dough right now, but the thought of it does certainly make me happy.  The texture of the dough, the little bits of powdered sugar that you somehow inhale when it is handed to you, the feeling of ripping the hot dough apart, the squishiness in my fingers...see, what I mean.  It really makes me happy.

What will you think of today or see today or do today that will make you happy?  Share it, post it, tell someone, write a book about it if you can, but most of all - feel it and feel fabulous.

Emotional Hangover

Everyone knows when something is bad for them to simply avoid it.  Cigarettes for example.  I used to LOVE smoking and did so from my teen years through my 30's.  I knew I had to give it up.  Friends and family (my own children) would ask, beg, nag and try to convince me to quit and sometimes I tried.  

In the past when I tried to quit I would start back gradually saying, "I'm just going to have one," or, "I'll just bum one from someone else," or "I will quit after this pack."  Excuses.  Excuses.  An elderly lady once approached me while I was standing outside of my job smoking and said, "Honey, you are too beautiful to smoke.  My sister just died from lung cancer."  I felt horrible, but continued puffing away.

After several weak attempts, I finally turned my back on it with the help of nicotine chewing gum, lollipops and sheer willpower.  I had decided to quit, for real.  It was hellish for awhile and even today I will say once in awhile that I want a cigarette.  When I say it though, I know I really don't and that I am either stressed and need a break or it was a really good dinner.

I am currently addressing issues in my personal life that can be compared to quitting smoking though it seems a bit more like someone took my cigarettes away and I am forced to quit.  And so, once in awhile I reach out for that horrible old habit and have my fingers burned EVERY SINGLE TIME.  I am left with an even emptier feeling and end up crying my eyes out (sort of like coughing up a lung after a heavy night of smoking) and the next day I am left puffy, with a bit of a headache and a boat load of remorse.

It is time to throw out the pack and walk away.  It is time to prepare for a healthier me.  Realization is the first fabulous moment, internalizing these thoughts and putting them into motion will make the moment grow into a lifestyle.  I choose healthy and fabulous.

Fabulous Reminders

I love when life reaches out and gives you a sign.  Synchronicity does exist.  It is alive and well.

In the middle of a storm, feeling alone, scared and unsure, I receive this card with wonderfully personal words of encouragement from an unexpected place.  Life may change, dramatically, in just an instant and in fact, it will.  Breathless, I will face it head on, determined and know - I am fabulous and so are you.

Gathering for a Chat with Spiked Pink Lemonade

I've come to rely on my cell phone to capture fabulous moments more and more frequently.  Is a BlackBerry a girl's new best friend?

I stay in touch, by choice, with a number of people I have known since childhood.  Recently, my husband and I renewed our wedding vows and I invited 3 of my long time friends to our celebration.  The problem?  You don't really have a chance to have in depth conversations with guests at your own gathering.  The solution?  Have a separate gathering to talk it over.

I sent a text message to the group proposing dinner at a local restaurant within the next 10 days and by some miracle of fate, we were all able to meet up within only a few days.  I had told my family, then reminded them the day of the "dinner with friends."  They forgot.  "Who are you having dinner with," my younger son asked.

"Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte," I laughed.  None of us fit the descriptions, but I liked to think of myself as Carrie in this case.

"Who?"

"My high school friends," I answered though we all know our history is longer it is easiest to identify with this classification.

Was I anxious?  Well, I was the first to arrive and when asked what I'd like to drink while I wait I asked for lemonade while my mind raced ahead - "It's ok to have an adult beverage with your childhood friends," and so I asked, "Can you add a shot of vodka?"  Voila.  The start of a trend:  pink lemonade + vodka + new and old stories = lifetime memories.

We can't help but take a peek down memory lane when we are gathered, but like any seasoning, this is just the background flavor, not the main course.  We catch up, we share a little bit about our children who range in age from college down to junior high.  Yes, we share a little gossip, after all, that's where the giggles come from -* though no reputations were harmed in the telling of the stories. (*disclaimer intended to make any paranoid readers think we were talking about them feel at ease) 

A three hour dinner date with three wonderful women plus me.  We promise to gather again soon and I look forward to catching up with a splash of looking back.

A Quick Tour

Lucky to be able to stop and smell the roses while working.  Though the heat and humidity were enough to make me want to just drop down on the sidewalk and chug about half a gallon of lemonade, instead I walked around Town (I've called and heard Pine Bush called that since I was a child.  As in, "I'm going to Town, do you need anything?")  A Spring Street Fair, Town Wide Yard Sale and the Farmers Market were all being held on a sunny holiday weekend Saturday and I was honored and happy to be able to combine my love of photography and cover the community events.  It allowed me a fabulous moment or two indeed!

I simply cannot resist flowers.  Flower gardens, fencing and a garden gate combined as a subject are like kryptonite.  I simply could not move!

Having watched some real pros taking their shots, I force myself and adjust from tight to wider shots of the same subject.  I always want to zoom in.  Does this desire have any ties to my personality and love of the details?

If the home owner was inside, are they used to people photographing their yard?  What would they say if they did see me?  This house made me want to plant rows and rows of Peonies despite their need for tiny ants to assist in opening the blooms.  I love the look and space required for these large headed flowers.

The famed roses to stop and smell.  While I thought approaching the stranger's garden to sniff the vibrant red beauties would be too much, I had no fear of capturing these images.

Though I struggled with the brilliant beastly rays of sunshine, I could not give up on this wrought iron gate and yes, more flowers.

Then off to the Farmers Market.

Chard as art?  Why of course, it is simply fabulous.

Seeing green onions is also a reminder of childhood.  Picking wild scallions in the backyard with their deep green shoots, I would simply pull the "hairy" roots away and eat them raw.  Oh the crazy fabulous times of children - sucking on clover, trying crab apples, picking wild berries... (no, I did not walk to school in 2 feet of snow up hill, but it already seems like childhood memories are of a long ago era.  The pre-electronic age.)

When I see the slightly different, a bit off-beat items for sale, I always stop and admire their unique and individual personality though I may not have any possible use or place for them.

Shooting under the sun again, I love that someone, anyone, painted their outbuilding or shed a pretty pale pink.  Quaint, yet untraditional.

Finally, the Relay for Life Butterfly.  A symbol that represents so many things, and for me bring a number of emotions from sadness and sorrow to a bit of pride in my community.  The unrelenting drive of the members of the teams that continue to walk and fund raise, the sad memories of lost loved ones, the fact that anyone has to suffer from any form of cancer, and the joy of watching as a patient becomes a survivor. 

A quick tour of a Fabulous Town and a peek into the thoughts of the mind capturing the images.

The private part of the tour includes the people I spoke with, those known for years and a few I met for the first time.  Those private experiences also do contribute to the individual memories - all fabulous.

Still on the Road

Everyday is a serious of decisions, some conscious, some without thought and a few that may be put off for another time.  Which clothes to wear?  Well, what is the occasion, what fits, the weather, comfort level and overall vibe for the day may all be factors before making a final selection.  And, I am willing to admit, the choice may change for no reason at all.  Some days it may feel perfectly fine to wear two pieces together, say a yellow sweater and gray slacks.  Another day - "What was I thinking?"  Life, for me, is filled with moments like this that sometimes make no sense.

I may think I want to be a girly-girl, sparkly, shiny and with a dash of pink (a bit of Sarah Jessica Parker perhaps?)

The next day, dark, solid black - is it chic or a uniform? While looking at Jessica Alba, also imagine Angelina Jolie...

Once we hit a certain age, aren't we supposed to know who we are, what we like and just be good with it?  I am still on the road.  I am still trying thing out, trying thing on, making alternate choices.  Sometimes I look back with regret and then I spend countless hours convincing myself my past is based simply on the information I had at that time.  I would never take some of those paths again. 

It's impossible to say what tomorrow will bring even when you think you know every combination available, a new idea will present itself.  The challenge is deciding to try it and if so, is it for the public or more personal and private?  I am still on the road.  Still trying on new styles, color combinations and sometimes, yes, returning to old, safe favorites.  Is it really about fashion?  More like a lifestyle, or more simply, a life.

Fabulous Favorites

As children we learn by associating new concepts with what we know and comparing what we know to what we are newly experiencing.  We ask questions.  We've all been on the receiving end of a pre-schoolers endless inquisition, "why", "how", "what is that" and so on until the evolve into a bit more sophisticated line of questioning.  The next step is for a child to ask what our favorite is so they can compare our answer to what they know and what they already think or have experienced.  "What is your favorite movie," may really mean, "Do you and I like the same thing?"  In fact, I remember being on the answer seeking side of this phase and asking everyone what their favorite color was to see if we shared a love for a particular hue.  Silly?

It's taken me over 40 years to figure out the answer to the simple, "What is your favorite color" question and of course, it is in the form of a series of short answers rather than a direct, one word answer I am sure a small child would prefer.

I love the fabulous blue of a New York sky after a snow storm has cleared.  It is intense and complete.  It is endless, calming and serene.

I love the green the spring rain leaves behind.  The buds, the leaves, the single blades of grass seem to try to shine and illuminate the otherwise dreary landscape left behind by winter and before the glow of summer.  If colors had a smell, I would love to bottle green and keep it on hand for gray days.  It would likely smell a bit like laundry dried in sunshine, a soft embrace for the senses...

The red of a beach umbrella at the beach.  Vibrant. Strong.  

And always the red of a ripe strawberry -



The oranges, yellows, golds of a sunset - especially over water - whether the ocean, a lake or river.  The warmth that lingers as the day fades and yields to night...

Pinks and purples bring to mind the endless varieties of flowers, soft petals, some with light and pleasant perfumes.

A love for black and white comes in the form of memories, not harsh division lines.

A child may be disappointed in my answer, but now, it is the one these older eyes sees - many fabulous favorites.

What do you believe?

It's not really about glasses being half full or empty, it's more about being happy to have something to drink really, don't you agree?

Reality is, we will all face adversity, tragedy, loss, illness and low points.  I wonder if the trick is to appreciate the days we don't have to and enjoy them.  Granted, we will not feel like singing like Snow White among the forest creatures on a daily basis, but isn't it a bit more comfortable to at least refrain from constantly pointing out all that is wrong, negative or the catastrophe that is surely about to occur?  I find those people quite draining and they seem to suck the happiness right out of me after a time.

I once worked with someone who said, "She is the kind of person who would complain if you gave her 99 cents."  And, of course at first I didn't understand the meaning of the statement so they explained, "You know, she would ask you for the other penny, even though you are simply giving her 99 cents, she would ask why you couldn't just make it an even dollar."  Ahhh.  That person.

It feels odd to me that someone could find faults or flaws in almost every aspect of life, but for some, that is what they live for and they simply doubt any genuine happiness.  Sad.  I choose to continue to find moments of fabulous and remember them for they are the treasures in each day, the memories I hope to keep and share or draw on when life really is challenging.  Hope you had a fabulous moment or two today.  I'm going to finish my half a cup of tea and enjoy each fabulous sip.

Learn

To learn, one must observe, immerse themselves in new situations or experiences, be aware and be open, and the true trick is to remember.

While taking photographs of a local holiday event I was aware of a photographer from the well-read, well-known, area daily newspaper. The square footage of the occasion was relatively small and so we were frequently next to, in front or across from each other at displays or activities. I felt such a wide range of emotions; jealousy, fear, intimidation, curiousity, surprise and happy. Happy that I was able to be in this situation and know I could compare my work to that of a seasoned professional and sort of see where I landed - gauge my eye and skill.

While a few of our published shots were those the public expects to see; child with Santa, holiday parade, elves, a few were of course, quite unique. I tend to want to close in on the action and was struggling to capture ballerinas posing behind glass. Ugh. I didn't want my reflection, I didn't want crowd reflection, I wanted to zoom in on the dancer. Mistake.

The professional pulled way back. His image captured not only the actual girls in the studio window, but the crowd watching, the festive mood and atmosphere, the decorations. My shot could not tell a story. His was a thousand stories. Jealous. But, a fabulous lesson and one I am learning to apply to other areas as well.

I had to learn how to let the observer decide what they want to concentrate on in the shot more so than what I was struggling to force them to see.

I am a true lover of the close-up, the details, in everything in life from menu planning, to parties, agendas, meetings, and writing. I may concentrate on one single aspect and struggle to find the right words to describe the varying shades of gray in a cloudy sky rather than the bucking horses that whiny in fear of the impending storm, the trees bending in the wind and the shutter banging against the house. Two very different points of view to the same story.

The fabulous bits are recognizing the opportunity to learn and applying it to life.

Disadvantage PC

A glorious and sunny spring Saturday on the deck soaking up some sun, feet up, a borrowed lap top in place. With a to-do list that fills an entire page, I always elect to first read and write over chores and housework. How to do what I want and enjoy some of nature's gifts on this fine day? My PC, my life and keyboard are all quite stationary. My cell phone while capable of being used for this purpose is simply not practical and if I say, "later" then I know I will instead turn to what should be done rather than what I want to do during this time. Advantage laptop.

Though the feel is certainly like using someone elses toy, it may be something to finally and seriously consider.

I watch gadget users embrace their i-electronics: pads, tablets, pods, along side Kindles, Nooks and the like and I kind of peek at them from a distance. How does it work? What about my fat fingertips sliding off the e-keyboard rather than raised letters? What about screen size? How much can it hold in terms of word documents and photos?

I also hesitate to get rid of our landline.

What generation am I really? My birth year says I am quite young enough to be a part of all this new fangled gadgetry and have had a long and loving relationship with my Blackberry, but this seems like living in another country to me. The old, "It's a great place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there," kind of scenario. For now.

However, technology has made this fabulous blog a part of a fabulous sunny day on the deck. Something to consider.

Cross it Off!

I am a list maker. I can't help it. To do, grocery, tasks for work, writing assignments, ideas, I simply make lists.

Sometimes, yes, I can't find the list. Fortunately the act of writing it out does help me imprint the list in my memory. Usually. Hate it when I am in the grocery store, without my list, think I did end up with everything I meant to, until I pull the car in the garage and remember I need milk. Ugh.

I also procrastinate. Looking at the list I sometimes simply want to get through the items for the simple joy of crossing them off. Nothing is more gratifying than dragging a pen or pencil through an item on a list and simply sighing, "Ah, done." The really tough ones may even be cause for a bit of pressure and going back and forth over the item multiple times - sort of an underline for crossing it off.

Last night, I completed a complicated writing assignment that I had been letting slide for a bit too long. I have 5 lines through it on my to-do list. It looks fabulous that way!

Fabulous Passion

Children have it, they just can't help themselves, when they truly love something, want to do something, need to - over and over - whether it is hearing the same book, watching the same movie, singing the same song or doing an activity - they simply have passion. In time, through school and structured rituals, the passions sometimes fade or more accurately defined, they are forced to be buried. How many times have parents told the begging child, "Not now. We have to..." or "Would you please stop that and get ready for..."? I'm guilty. I've been on both sides.

I cringe when I think of the times I told my older son to stop playing with his Matchbox cars. And he remembers. We read "The Truck Book," until it fell apart. He watched big truck videos in the VCR until I thought the images would wear away from the tape. Where could this have gone? No answer is available, it is still happening, he is still interested in engines, racing his quad, how things work and improving what is available.

For awhile, my younger son had a sketch pad that was to become his own comic book. Hours were spent recreating cartoon super heroes until the entire project was discarded. Once in awhile he sketches words and letters, but could it have been more? Does he have a struggling artist within that he forces aside for the tasks he has to or should complete? Is it something all together different? Something more?

My youngest nephews have their own outward passions and sometimes they may seem to consume too much of their time and attention. Now, in a non-mother role, I say fuel them! Get them to baseball camp, buy yarn, let one take a computer programming class and design his own game, whatever it takes, keep the fires burning. Better now then when we become adults and revisit our childhood interests anyway, fanning the glowing embers, trying to recreate and recapture a bit of what might have been, should have been and can still become.

I keep my passions nearby and answer their call when the ringing is loud like an annoying alarm clock and I can simply not hit snooze any longer. They push their way to the top of the water like fish fighting for food in a tank.

Just One Moment

Some days are a string of fabulous moments and it actually quite difficult to narrow it down to selecting just one to remember. Luckily, today was one of those days.

However, I often remember thinking of one of my husband's cousins who passed away far too young but was one of those souls who seemed to just "get it." He had an appreciation for the little things, the details and could express those thoughts with words and art. His was one of the most beautiful funerals I'd ever been to because those who knew and loved him stood and shared stories of his life. This is how I think it should be for us all, but I am getting away from the point. A story was shared about how he could have a conversation about the skin of a grape. If you think about it, the skin of a grape is really quite remarkable - thin yet incredible tensile strength, crisp to the bite, and does it ever really break down?

This morning my husband was driving in front of me in our truck with my nephews and I followed in my car since I would have to leave our fishing trip to cover a story for the newspaper. As we neared the private farm, I looked out my window at a small pond and thought, "Nothing is more beautiful than the glare of the sun on water."

I simply love the water. Fresh or salt. Lake or ocean. If I had to pick just one, it would be the ocean, but really, I just want to be near the water.

When we arrived at our final destination, I stood still for just a moment and admired the sun sparkling across the peaks created by the wind on the water. Glistening. Twinkling. Fabulous.

All that is Fabulous About Ted - yes, Nugent

About a bazillion years ago when dinosaurs were recently extinct, I went to rock concerts with friends. We traveled in packs, we bought shirts, screamed, thought we went deaf and had a fabulous time. We went to the Civic Center, the Chance, the Fairgrounds, the arenas and Music Mountain. As we grew older and a bit more of the "Glory Days" age, we share our stories, reminisce and listen to new "oldies" stations (Thank you Stacey for convincing me about 93.3 by the way) and dread the times we hear our songs played elevator music style.

Turns out, my husband and I just missed each other at several concerts, same place, same time, star crossed. He is a HUGE Ted Nugent fan and I was a fan of going out with my friends and so at some time in our lives we were both at Music Mountain as Mr. Cat Scratch had his fever on stage with a wild animal tail pinned to his white pants. Hubby was in love. I remember thinking how I barely knew a handful of the songs, but I was there, fist pumping before we knew what it was and smiling.

Today, doing the errands of a holiday weekend included a quick stop at the post office. It's a rare occasion, but once in awhile something has to be weighed and mailed the old fashioned way. I held the door for an older gentleman and thought for a minute I could hear a familiar tune. No, can't be. I'm practically in an institution and plus, I looked around, everyone here has white or at least salt and pepper hair, this simply isn't possible. Indeed, Cat Scratch Fever. I couldn't help but smile and wonder, when did this happen? It wasn't even a watered down musical version, it was the original, the one, the only, repeat Cat Scratch Fever.

"Anything else today," I was asked after my transaction.

"Um, no. I am happy to hear Ted being played in the post office though," I laughed.

"Shhhhh," I was told, "It's not too loud is it?"

I just laughed and remembered the time I saw Twisted Sister and worried about how I would explain to my parents that as a result of standing next to the speakers, I was now deaf.

Click on the link to enjoy some Live Ted...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCJux_7W2i8

Special Treats

Part of what makes family time and holidays a little extra memorable are the special treats - we drive to those out of the way places and pick up the "good" cakes, pies, and kielbasi. This year we will be enjoying "Deadly" carrot cake and Key Lime pie from Jones Farm in Cornwall. I wrote about this lovely 5th generation business in Hudson Valley Parent magazine last year and as part of the research I had just a carrot cake cupcake and was so excited I couldn't wait to get home to eat it but snacked in the car!

http://www.hvparent.com/articlepost.aspx?id=1743&c=0&t=ARTICLE

I also ventured out during my lunch today and purchased the good kielbasi at:

http://janeksfinefoods.com/history.htm - the Mahwah location.

Our Easter bread is a modified recipe handed down from my Great Grandmother (Nana) who I was lucky to have in my life until I was 20 years old. Though some may say things like "Babka" or "raisin bread" - for her the only name was, "Easter Bread." Some years I am able to participate in the assembly line style of prepping and baking along side my mother and sister though sometimes I have not been able to join in due to work conflicts. I will always remember the story of my sister's first time punching the dough down, literally.

And the dying of the eggs, the creative process, the children (once mine, now my nephews), writing names or meaningful designs to personalize one for each family member or guest.

Group photos. Learning that if special guests are included, family photos should be taken with and without them as they sometimes do not stay a part of our lives.

The traditions also include a children's hunt for filled plastic eggs, but the moments we all wait for with a bit of teasing and anticipation are the kickball game and if weather permits, kite flying. A fabulous event!

Immerse Thyself

I used to think of retreats as simply for religious folks. Vacations are for winding down, getting away from work and being with family or friends. So what if I simply want to put on my most comfortable clothes and stay in my own house and do what I want, when I want, at the pace I want, eat when I want and answer to no one? Well, besides being called selfish, I would actually struggle with this concept.

I have a book idea (no really, I know...), but almost any time I sit down at the computer, I wander through the internet, answer phone calls, emails and write the pieces I am paid to produce. This is not a complaint or rant, just the details of what happens when I sit in front of the monitor.

This past winter I promised myself I would spend more time working during snow days. Guess how many snow days we had in the North East this year? Exactly.

Why is it what I complain and moan about that I want to do the most, yet I spend a good portion of time avoiding, complaining, procrastinating???? Or coming up with the "if" plans - "If I have a snow day," or "If only I had a good chunk of time to sit undisturbed..." These if's will never happen. So, on a Tuesday, I will postpone just a bit longer, after all I have to get ready for Easter next Sunday (not really), but soon I will be typing my fingerpads off from morning to midnight. I will lock myself away, turn off the cell phone, maybe disconnect the internet somehow and only access my Word program - maybe.

To forgive, fabulous

You know that person you judge, all the time, that you hold accountable for everything, even things beyond their control? Well, why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we play back those bits that are now beyond our grasp, wondering what we could have done differently? It's too late now. Isn't it?

We've all heard about learning from our mistakes and that's probably the best we can do. Many claim to look back and have no regrets, but for me, I spend a bit of time looking at the bad choices and poor decisions and have a good wrestling match for awhile until my sore, sorry self surrenders. For what? I don't know. Why do some people pick the scab?

Mind you, it's not a daily event, but when the occasion arises, it is difficult to pack all the garbage up again. And, it never fits as neatly back in the bag it came out of. Every time we touch it, we are stained again by the goo that remains. Best to leave it, learn from it, forgive and move on.

A Day for Laughs

Mid-morning chat time and a group of us were of course talking about the Mega jackpot. In New Jersey, I am told, a drive-through liquor store exists that may sell lottery tickets. A group of us then discussed what other kinds of items should be sold together in best combination to perhaps start a chain of deadly sin stores (drive through optional). Our prototypes would sell alcohol, cigarettes, lottery tickets, birth control, toothbrushes in the aisle of shame and of course, hand sanitizer among other items. Laughing, with limited airflow, tears coming out of my eyes, and that is of course when someone looks for you to ask a serious question. I find the strength to compose myself, but the second I return, I am belly laughing once more as we continue to discuss our possible inventory.

Then lunch with 3 co-workers today - and I had no notebook. It was one of the most entertaining lunches I have been to in awhile. Instead of a celebrity deathpool, we have each picked a list of ten celebrities most likely to get divorced this year (don't judge) and one celebrity couple we think will get married (to balance the karma). So, none of us have picked anything right so far this year so our quarterly meeting was just a chat about life instead at the best Mexican restaurant in Suffern.

One of my "lunchmates" admitted to having had been in a cult, one's mother-in-law wore white to her wedding and one told a story of a friend who had a horrible first date with someone who may or may not have had an extreme foot fetish. We threw in a couple of celebrity references, not necessarily about divorce, but a debate about Kanye's talent vs. Eminem, and what scandals might break this year to rival Brittney's meltdown or the Tiger Woods debacle. The whole experience, again, laughing with tears in my eyes. These are the days to hold on to and wish for more.

Lotto Dreams Continue

As the Mega Millions jackpot continues to build and grow beyond 400 million dollars, my dreams and hopes expand as well. I simply cannot conceive of any one person suddenly having that much money. Really. And what does one do with it all? You can't simply bring that gigantic cardboard check Happy Gilmore style to the bank that certainly can't insure that much money. I'm joking, but really, how can one person even begin to manage even a portion of that winning payout? I have to say, I'm more than willing to give it a try and let you know how I do. My favorite author, Dorothy Parker once said, "I've never been a millionaire, but I know I would be darling at it." Me too!

I watched one of my favorite Food Network shows, "Chopped" last night and though it was a repeat, the winner offered to pay for the runner-ups ticket to Italy so she could see her grandmother. For him, winning wasn't entirely about the money. I'd never seen that happen before and yes, it makes a person a little misty eyed, the judges on the show teared up and the woman receiving the generosity from a stranger - well, she blatantly bawled her eyes out.

Random acts of kindness. Please include that in my newly revised list of things I would do with my lottery winnings. Imagine what it could feel like to simply pay for some one's groceries, full tank of gas, oil delivery, school clothes for a family (including sneakers) and deliver gifts to those recovering from surgery or undergoing physical therapy. The list is endless.

Always Learning

Traditional, educational learning, problem solving, job training, these all have their place, but I also love learning about a hobby, reading something new, meeting and interacting with new people... and I am realizing if the brain and soul don't have these new challenges it becomes like any other muscles losing strength and value from lack of use.

In addition, I've learned that if I don't pay attention, my mind wanders off into places it does not belong and it takes quite a bit of work to get it back on track. In fact, I have often compared it to being like picking an emotional or intellectual scab. And so, in the spirit of taking on something new, I am opening my mind to have a look and see what else looks interesting to me. Maybe I should look a little closer at caring for my newly received Orchid (it scares me) or a language or simply how to breath in and out without constantly worrying about something or other (that sounds really fabulous). Good luck to you in your new ventures and hope you wish me the same.

Substance in Vogue

Maybe for the first time, I read Vogue from cover to cover. No, really, not just the glossy page after page of ads, but really read the stories about Jennifer Lopez and one in particular about transformation, "Can you Conquer Your Biggest Fears," written by Plum Sykes. This piece was not about the inability to find just the right belt or shoes, it had depth and substance. We all have fears and some cause anxiety. It may be fairly popular or well recognized that generally, people do not like speaking in public which may be considered a fear and well, does that fear then grow into anxiety - enough to cause the body physical distress? It could. What a weighty subject for such a typically thought of light and fashion focused entertainment magazine...

In turn, the mind reels and I think of my own fears and anxiety as well as those extreme conditions and phobias some may suffer. How does this happen? How does the brain spin out of control and so a person facing what some may consider an insignificant event like leaving the house or seeing a spider that another is paralyzed with fear and distress? What can be done?

Sykes describes a weekend workshop held by Charles Linden. A quick Google search reveals two websites:

http://www.google.com/aclk?sa=l&ai=CXcuMJQ5vT7HIPMag0AHHoaiCDrH85KMDoZWnq0LLop_UCQgAEAFQl5qkyP7_____AWDJjq6LwKTYD6ABp-2iyQPIAQGpAm2YieeKoLo-qgQWT9D3bPNDDaygxWYigRoIDbHWmSd61Q&sig=AOD64_1FwmgK8CezopQGC0jL3ppjMk7WWg&ved=0CBEQ0Qw&adurl=http://www.lindenanxietyrecovery.com/programmes/home-learning/&rct=j&frm=1&q=charles+linden

and
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CEoQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.charles-linden.com%2F&ei=JQ5vT6GHPMrw0gGeqJj0Bg&usg=AFQjCNEe1UFnxleFtSprjWYaQkwQOBJ7HQ&sig2=SzKrCocTWzRHfuiWL-3W8g

For those seeking genuine help, this man and his claims surely seem genius and when one is racked with nervous anxiety but looking for help, this program and information appears to be a cure all. I have no opinion at this time, as I am unfamiliar with his actual "techniques" or teachings, but the hype makes it all seem miraculous and wonderful.

I used to lie awake at night paralyzed with the fear of my own death. I could not imagine simply not being here any more. It wasn't just a fear of dying a young mother and leaving children behind, it wasn't just about suffering or pain, it was the whole idea. Finite. Mortality. Does the thought still cross my mind, yes, but not in the intensity or with the regularity it once did and the curious part, how did it stop and when? I don't know.

I know of an acquaintance who simply cannot be left alone. Well, couldn't, perhaps they feel differently about it now, but suffered for years at the thought of not being in constant contact with another human being. Unfortunately, this person had suffered a horrible loss and was indeed alone and so the brain may have reacted by rationalizing, "If not ever left alone, you will not suffer pain again."

While the topic may seem a bit heavy for a fabulous blog, it is perfectly acceptable to acknowledge that all aspects of life are far from perfect and quite mysterious indeed. The trick it seems is to wade through it all, decide what's important and deserves attention and focus while shedding the painful parts as nothing more than experience and lessons. A bit of suffering may be what we needed at the time to appreciate the fabulous bits or be more sympathetic to those suffering what seems to us like irrational fear and anxiety. It can happen to us all.

Sometimes we simply have to work a little bit harder at finding the fabulous moments. These are the times when they are that much brighter with a touch more sparkle and significance. I know I will see something fabulous today, I expect it and welcome it.

Triple Dog Dare You

What are you going to do today? Work off a to-do list? What's on it? Tasks that can wait or something fun, fabulous and will make you feel better/energized/full of life/happy/passionate? I'll take the later and challenge you to do the same. I have spent my morning doing the things I should do and will likely spend a bit of time doing a few things I have to do, but am surely going to carve out a little time to do what I want to do.

It's ok, really. What's the worst thing that could happen? At least spend equal time on the have-to-do and the want-t0-do, isn't that a fair compromise? Now, I triple dog dare you and report back.

A Fabulous If...

Everyone has a lotto dream. New house, vacations, maybe a boat, simply live better and many throw in a mention of donating a portion to charity or worthy cause, but how many win? Well, we all know the odds are not in our favor but as the saying goes, "All you need is a dollar and a dream."

I have worked it out that when I win tonight's Mega Million jackpot of $290 million dollars, I will likely be out of touch for awhile so if you don't hear from me, you will know my dreams came true. Seriously, what would I do?

Fabulous Top Ten Things to do with Lotto Winnings (in no particular order)

10. Quit my day job
9. Fund the young girl on the West Coast who is doing experiments to cure cancer.
http://www.scpr.org/news/2011/12/08/30262/california-teen-wins-grand-prize-potential-cancer-/
8. Have my own gas pump.
7. Italy
6. Would have no more excuses not to write my novel(s)
5. All family members would finish their higher education and own their homes without worry
4. Start scholarships
3. Share
2. Simply no longer worry about costs
1. Have all clothing tailored to properly fit.

I'm sure I could think of more - that's the short list though. What's your dream?

There's Always Tomorrow

There's always tomorrow, for dreams to come true...

Some days, it is decidedly more difficult than others to see the fabulous moments. Horrible images from last night's nightmare stayed with me most of the morning, a frenzied day, lunch at my desk, a harried afternoon, the commute home, unable to simply kick back and relax, news my older son has broken down on the highway... But, I know I laughed today. I know I shared a few stories and smiles, looked at the lighter side of things and decided which worries would be able to earn my attention and which to just let lie lifelessly and fall to the ground.

Deciding to let the dust settle may just be the most fabulous moment of the day. It will be there tomorrow if I have to deal with it or if the wind takes it away then that is the end of it.

I hope for healing, peaceful sleep, a calm house and safe family and friends. Extra hugs to those who suffer nightmares - they take a while to shake.

A Fabulous Secret

Yesterday I received some news that I had been waiting about a year for and the glitch was, "We ask that you keep this to yourself for now." WHAT!! I wanted to skip around my job with a smile from ear to ear, throw my hands in the air and act like I just don't care and they want me to keep a secret. Really? Well, I did - sort of. I called my husband. He was truly happy and put my younger son on the phone who was also happy. Ok, well, 2 people, but they're family after all and who will they tell? I also shared with 3 coworkers in my department, two of which had the same news so really, doesn't that mean I only told one more person? I never said I could do what was asked by keeping it to myself.

And so, after work I ran into my previous boss. Yes, I told. Couldn't help it. Honestly, it didn't even feel gloaty or like I broke a promise because he really didn't seem to understand. (Picture the boss from Office Space...) I digress.

Today, the first announcement was a meeting at 11 that was postponed until 11:30 then rescheduled for "later." Hmmm, would the news break?

FINALLY at 3 o'clock, the department gathered with our Vice-President in the conference room and the announcement was made, "I am glad to share some good news with you all, we have 3 promotions in your department." The rest is a blur, but I know their was clapping and a beautiful orchid. Fabulous.

What heals you?

Everyone deals with stress differently and some of us may not even realize we are feeling a bit of pressure until our bodies react to it and we are forced to slow down or even stop. At the end of the day we may have sore or tense muscles, or a headache or other physical problem as a result of our stress. The trick, we are told, is to find a way to constructively deal with the stress. For me, I often think I am fine and nothing is bothering me and then suddenly my body screams out its own thoughts.

Alternately, when I think I am doing really well dealing with things by eating the right foods, light meals, working out, walking, writing in my journal, having a massage and my systems still backfire, I am truly stumped. Unexpectedly spending the day at home today under a clear blue sky with mild temperatures and the healing power of the sun, I raked out some garden beds and cleared away the remaining traces of last fall and winter (this is sure to bring on a Nor'easter I'm positive) and felt wonderful. No worries other than making sure I don't blister or rip off skin on my hands from raking.

What do you do to keep the stress away? How do you get it out? Or do you let things roll off your back in the first place? I am still finding my way and looking for more ideas to keep things balanced from the inside out. Hoping to maintain a regular level of fabulous with a minimal amount of stress invasion.

Men's Magazines

As a lover of the written word and fabulous images, my love for slick magazines can be clearly understood. I have confessed to keeping piles of them and boarding on a hoarders obsession, but now I recently discovered a new side of my love - men's magazines. No, not those silly, the ones available without brown wrappers, the titles I am not supposed to be drawn to have pulled me in with an uncontrollable force.

Today was the perfect day for sitting in a chair on the deck, sunbeams in my face and my yellow Lab, Maddy at my feet with a magazine in my lap. Yes, I had a short stack including; Redbook, Cosmopolitan, Health and Men's Journal. I looked at Woody Harrelson on the cover of Men's Journal and wondered why he wasn't on the face of the women's magazines. Honestly, I've never understood why the supermarket magazines feature women for women and men for men except women on Maxim and men on Playgirl. This really doesn't make sense to me at all. Yes, I want to read about Sandra Bullock, but why wouldn't I want to know more about Woody as well? Maybe I really can't relate to Megan Fox even though I love learning about 50 new tricks for my left over chicken (that's a stretch, but you understand what I mean) and so I habitually buy the titles I am supposed to as a member of my demographic.

Here's where the real differences came in though, in a side by side comparison (and to explain my methodology, I read the men's magazine first then Cosmo), it felt like the writing in Men's Journal was perhaps a bit more sophisticated or maybe I just enjoyed the fresh tone of voice. I didn't worry that I don't resemble the model in the ads for a second. I wasn't assaulted by overtly sexy ads or numerous fragrance samples. I liked it. Well, maybe the comparison was too harsh to I moved on to Health magazine with Christina Applegate on the cover. The topics were quite a bit tamer of course and the writing style was obviously different but I still wanted to buy another men's magazine. Maybe the lesson is to stop organizing magazine titles by sexual orientation period.

Here's a sample of what I enjoyed today...http://www.mensjournal.com/in-the-april-issue-woody-harrelson

Unique

A coworker with a first name that does not begin with the letter "U" was wearing a fairly large gold initial letter necklace of the vowel. Why? Well, I had to ask.

"My crazy old landlord gave it to me and I just like it so I wear it."

?

The coworker in question thought maybe she needs a better story to go with the jewelry. "Maybe I can say it stands for 'you'," she laughed and pointed. Not sure if that's going to work. Turns out, the owner of the necklace did not have a name that started with the letter "U" either. Mysterious-er and mysterious-er. Where are those meddling kids with the dog and the van and their marijuana smoking theories?

This morning, I had one of those moments and said the word, "unique" for some reason before running into the coworker and when I saw her I said, "That's it. That's what the 'U' stands for, unique!"

Seriously, can't make these things up. Fabulous.

Can Temper Tantrums be Fabulous?

My favorite temper tantrum has to be from Julie Julia when Julie throws herself to the floor and sort of twitches about like a fish out of water, complaining/sobbing/whining and then for a last bit of emphasis kicks her foot up and lets it slam into the floor. Can this behavior ever be considered constructive or positive? What if I'm super-duper, horribly, really frustrated with my computer that has a terrible, no good, forsaken, some kind of virus malfunction that I really can't stand? This PC is basically held together with wishes and positive thoughts. I have 7 years of personal photographs on here - only some are backed up and while every one else runs off and gets Ipads and laptops and whatevers, I have a big old hunking black tower Dell PC. You know what, it's mine and I love it like an old pair of jeans, but when it misbehaves like this I am more than ready to throw myself to the floor and flop around like a helpless fish out of water. Can't the computer fairy simply come over night if I leave the mouse under my pillow and fix this mess? Do I really have to be responsible and have this taken care of by a professional and worry about backing everything up? Really? Fabulous (in my most sarcastic tone EVER)...

Unpopular - but it's ok

Many folks groan and mutter when we have to spring the clocks ahead and while I understand seeing it as a loss of one hour of sleep, I really prefer the trade off of sunlight after I get home from work. For a few weeks every year, I am up and out of the house before sunrise and barely make it home (sometimes I don't) by sunset. It starts to feel a bit vampire-like and I don't sparkle in the sun like those Twillight immortals.

Waking up on one Sunday morning with the clock a bit later than I thought it should be is a small price to be for being able to barbecue outside on the deck for dinner on a 70+ degree day in March. Grilled shrimp with risotto, tossed salad, tomatoes with mozzarella, fresh raspberries and blueberries all taste that much better in natural sunlight.

I'm sorry if the time change made you grumpy. For me, it's a wonderful introduction to longer days and a the warm season ahead. I'm looking forward to many more fabulous sunsets long after the dinner dishes are done.

Magazine Junkie

Hello, I have an addiction and it is magazines. I keep a few months back issues with the excuse that they are research, have something in it I need or I haven't read them yet. I love the slippery pages, the split second of annoyance when the postcard for a subscription falls out, the thicker scented pages, reading the masthead and covering my lap with the next issue I hope to read in line.

I have a pile in my closet, in the storage area of the ottoman in the family room and a short stack on the floor in the living room. I am not giving it up. I am not apologizing. Every few months, they are purged and though it is sometimes hard to let go, they are taken away with the recycling next to stacks of Wednesday and Sunday New York Times - ah, but that is another story.

I have a wide range of interests from the weekly gossip and celebrity nonsense to parenting, mothering, cooking, and local or specialized magazines, I love them all. I rescue back issues from work; including Men's Health and Gentleman's Quarterly (GQ). In my dreams, I would write for them all - a different topic every month and somewhere, someone would have my thoughts and words towering one on top of the next. Almost like hoarding. Almost. But, more fabulous.

Today's Fabulous Moment

I love being a mom, but it is especially fun to be an aunt - rules aren't as tight, everything is a bit more relaxed, looser, less responsibility so a lot easier. Today, I was lucky enough to have lunch with my two young nephews in honor of the older one's birthday. We all went to a hibachi restaurant and it was their first time experiencing the humor and grill side entertainment. What a fabulous time watching it with fresh eyes, seeing and hearing their genuine laughter and waiting in anticipation for what could possibly happen next. To them, the jokes are fresh, the banging knives, shooting flames, tower of onions that turns into a volcano and flipping scraps of food at the diner's mouths with a spatula were all a fabulous sideshow. I wonder if you asked them what the best part was if they would answer, "When the chef pretended he was going to squirt sauce at my Aunt but it was a trick bottle. She jumped in her seat!" Yes, I did. I loved every second of it though. The Asian accent while singing Happy Birthday as a bus boy beats a drum and the birthday boy is presented a mini cupcake with candle will also always be a fun memory. I felt lucky to be a part of the day and fabulously lucky to have this family and the ability to have these experiences together.

A Fabulous New Gadget

Yes, I know I should get up and out more. Yes, I know sitting at a desk for hours a day, day after day, will slowly kill me. To help balance things I have had my older son write a training schedule for me and to help me keep from being entirely bored, I wanted to substitute bicycle time for some of my treadmill time. Winters in the Northeast, as well as wanting some of the comforts of home, contributed to my decision to add a stationary bike stand to my work out equipment though I asked my husband, Mr. Ebay to help by finding one.

The large box finally arrived and dear hubby was able to quickly put my bike in place and off I went. Well, ok, to be honest nothing is really that smooth, but the stand and my ten speed from my 13th birthday were both ready to roll, it was me that did a bit of protesting.

"The seat is too hard."

"The odometer is connected to the front wheel so I have no idea how fast or how far I am going."

"This is hard."

Ah, but I turned on the Food Network and timed my ride. Older son suggested a folded towel for a bit of cushion and well, sitting is easy and that's the problem.

I recently overheard someone say, "Get what you want (for dinner), you will be dead for a long time." My hope is to put it off.

Fabulous Music to Clean By

Music can be so powerful, mood altering, happy, or sad (bagpipes at funerals), fast, slow and so of course we sometimes select it based on how we are feeling or how we want to feel. I especially like to choose loud, upbeat tunes for cleaning. In fact, I prefer to be able to "crank it up" louder than a running vacuum and many times feel perfectly entitled to sing along - badly and sometimes slurring lyrics I'm not really sure of - so what? I know you do it sometimes too. If you can admit to singing in the shower and car concerts, I'm fairly confident you are blasting something for background noise while getting through tasks from cleaning out the garage to folding laundry. I especially enjoy loading up the CD player with the Beatles or custom made mixes, or even something from the old days - the fabulous '80's. I know that probably already sounds horribly old fashioned to the Ipod generation, but a bunch of discs I love on "shuffle" can really make me happy and before I know it, the tasks are done and ok, maybe I was dancing in my socks a little, no one was watching. Were they?

Fabulous LIfe in a Small Town

City people, country folks, every one of us has a soul that simply screams out for one or the other. I admit, I live only a few short miles away from the house my parents started their lives together in, and also relatively close to the homes of my mother, sister and deceased grandparents. My children went to the high school I did and had a few of the same teachers. They worked with and for people I know, they had friends and girlfriends and I knew some of their parents.

Some people may cringe at the thought of continually running into friends and neighbors, but especially while raising a family, I loved the feel, the vibe, the trust and the sense of knowing just a bit more. I sometimes wonder how things could have been different - who wouldn't? I'm sure my family does as well. It's comfortable like an old pair of jeans, and yet, if a person craves adventure or the unknown, it will take a bit of work but it could happen.

I prefer going to restaurants and businesses in which I know the owners and/or employees, attending art shows or musical performances because they are someone I know or simply trusting no matter where I am, I won't be far from someone fabulous (and it is likely if I don't know them personally, we will be able to find a person in common with little effort). Life in a small town, not so bad.

Cook For Me

A joy among joys, the most fabulous moment of the day came after I arrived home and waved to my older son as he grilled steaks. The table was set. What a feeling! We briefly talked about the menu and he simply made it happen.

It only took a few minutes to finish putting everything together and voila - dinner was served. I didn't even have time to put on my "ah- the day is over" clothes!

Yes, I said thank you, but really I am having a hard time finding the words to express how fabulous it was to come home and not really have to think.

Further irony, later after doing the dishes I sat at the computer and put on Facebook to see a photo of someone else's son - cooking dinner! Fabulous!

Words, Fabulous Words

We are really quite lucky to have such an assortment of words at our disposal to express our every thought and feeling. While some may resort to a few choice favorites that used to be used only for extreme occasions, it can be refreshing to hear others creatively express themselves.

For example, a coworker appeared a bit overwhelmed, buried in paperwork, fenced in by deadlines and barely able to come up for air. I may not be quoting her correctly, but a reference was made to either having mental congestion or needing a mental decongestant... fairly graphic without a trace of foul language or slang terms. Loved it. Made me laugh, I clearly understood her feelings and am looking forward to more.

This same woman has also said things like, "I am a firm believer in and strong proponent of, better living through chemistry," regarding those who need mood/mental health stabilizing medication.

Later that same day, a different coworker who is battling a cold the day before a major presentation was lamenting over her cold symptoms. "I can't believe my nose is crusty the day before I have to speak in front of everyone. It feels like my face will explode." Overhearing her another commented, "She should be a novelist. So graphic." (*Disclaimer: quotes are more paraphrased and may not be 100% accurate - I do what I can to retain details.)

I am enjoying the more creative verbalization and find I truly pay better attention to what is being said when I don't have to skip over all of the unnecessary expletives. Doesn't mean anyone should consider censorship of any kind, merely that I am currently a fan of different forms of expression. Fabulous.