Saturday, August 18, 2012

Emotional Hangover

Everyone knows when something is bad for them to simply avoid it.  Cigarettes for example.  I used to LOVE smoking and did so from my teen years through my 30's.  I knew I had to give it up.  Friends and family (my own children) would ask, beg, nag and try to convince me to quit and sometimes I tried.  

In the past when I tried to quit I would start back gradually saying, "I'm just going to have one," or, "I'll just bum one from someone else," or "I will quit after this pack."  Excuses.  Excuses.  An elderly lady once approached me while I was standing outside of my job smoking and said, "Honey, you are too beautiful to smoke.  My sister just died from lung cancer."  I felt horrible, but continued puffing away.

After several weak attempts, I finally turned my back on it with the help of nicotine chewing gum, lollipops and sheer willpower.  I had decided to quit, for real.  It was hellish for awhile and even today I will say once in awhile that I want a cigarette.  When I say it though, I know I really don't and that I am either stressed and need a break or it was a really good dinner.

I am currently addressing issues in my personal life that can be compared to quitting smoking though it seems a bit more like someone took my cigarettes away and I am forced to quit.  And so, once in awhile I reach out for that horrible old habit and have my fingers burned EVERY SINGLE TIME.  I am left with an even emptier feeling and end up crying my eyes out (sort of like coughing up a lung after a heavy night of smoking) and the next day I am left puffy, with a bit of a headache and a boat load of remorse.

It is time to throw out the pack and walk away.  It is time to prepare for a healthier me.  Realization is the first fabulous moment, internalizing these thoughts and putting them into motion will make the moment grow into a lifestyle.  I choose healthy and fabulous.

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